Royal Enfield would suit rat bike dreamer

A fellow in Melbourne, Fla. is dreaming that you will give him your Royal Enfield motorcycle. He wants to turn it into a rat bike, and he provided the picture above to give you an idea what kind of motorcycle he wants to build. Here's an edited version of his heartfelt appeal on CraigsList:

"WANTED, needed, dreamed about: A donor cadaver bike for an ill-conceived RAT BIKE project. I penciled this thing out on a beer coaster at Longdoggers, so I know it won't fail!! Has to have two tires, and the engine should be free of rat nests and resemble an internal-combustion engine. Moving parts are helpful, too. If it turns over like an anvil (fa-rozen-up) it's of really no use to me.

"Royal Enfield, Jawa, CZ, Indian, Bimota, Bond, Boss Hoss, Big Dog, Ural, Husqvarna, KTM, Excelsior, Ariel, AJS, Cagiva, Norton, Maico, Aprilia, BSA, MV Augusta, Flying Merkel, Matchless, Aermacchi, Vincent, Mead, Greyhound (bike, not the bus), Greeves, Douglas, or even a Zundapp, if the Wangenstatter Valve isn't shot ( pronounced VONG-unt-Shiester).

"Seats aren't so important, lights — who uses LIGHTS anymore — psh! Chain-drive, shaft, leather, belt, it's all good. Single-cylinder, twin-turbo, steam, as long as it isn't missing from the local Banditos' club house.

"Now, I KNOW somebody out there has got a bike sitting in the back of a storage unit, or at mom and dad's under a pile of old National Geographics (ooowa — aboriginal girls) and 400 boxes of Grandma's knittin' stuff.

"Anyway, pull it out of the garage, and throw it in the back of the truck and BRING IT OVER! Let's make some MAGIC! I promise not to snicker when you tell me the story about how you rode your Cushman up to Daytona for Bikeweek and was groped-by, and almost married to a very drunk Jesse James (I think you know who you are).

"Anything RUNNING would be cool; I might consider the Cushman if Jessie ever brought it back.

"Which brings me to: If anyone who's into the whole rat bike thing would like to get together and swap stories and maybe gather at the local Londoggers for a bite and a brew, let's rap. I think it would be pretty cool, and unsettling to the locals to have a huge Rat Bike Rally at one of the local parks.

"I know money's tight blah, blah, blah. Why do you think I'm trawling for a junker bike — giggle — I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I have no money, so this business arrangement should be FUN for BOTH of us!"

He signs himself KP and, if you're interested, he can be reached at: kpmelb66@yahoo.com