I was the proud recipient recently of a personal email from the most famous Royal Enfield personality who probably never existed. Yes, I mean Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly, the (probably) fictional British Army officer whose outrageous comments on motorcycles, women and booze have entertained fans of Royal Enfields on at least two Yahoo message boards.The Major's latest posts on the Bullet-Mania group have described his efforts to recapture the Golightly family estate, Blotto Hall. He is also working on a homemade motorcycle fairing, its headlight opening crafted by blasting with a shotgun.
I wrote the Major, who claims to be in his 80's, to ask for a more up-to-date photo of himself to use on this blog. No picture was forthcoming, but the reply paints a nice mental picture of Bunty. Here's the letter:
My Dear Mr Blasco ,
(I shall ask Mrs Slackcrumpet to type this slowly so that you, as a foreigner, may be better able to understand.)
How awfully kind of you to write from the former colonies and welcome poor old Bunty back into the Bullet-Mania fold, however such curiosity from a colonial rustic makes one fear that you may indeed be in the employ of the Inland Revenue — The Swines! Your collusion with the manual peddling cad Snidal is doubly suspicious — quite so! So forgive me if I am a trifle circumspect — d'ye see?
There is no photograph of meself, as I have banned the use of nasty Jappo technology on the estate — harrumph. However if I should be fortunate to, once again, resume my country seat, you will be permitted to send over your personal artist to paint a miniature of my portrait which hangs (or used to hang) on the great staircase of Blotto Hall. I suggest that you instruct him to bring over a contribution in the form of a suitable beverage (if such a thing exists in America) as painting can be deuced thirsty work for meself .
Anyroad Blasco, I'm a busy fellow these days and have to run along and count the result of today's peasant shoot. I believe I had 12 brace and a picnicker; there were two of 'em but I think I only winged the second one — might have to send out the hounds to finish him orf.
Your servant, Bunty, MBH etc. etc.
Want to know more about the delightful Major? Here are links to previous posts about him:
Bunty's banner still flies
Royal Enfield's Bunty Golightly -- didn't
Bunty was Royal Enfield's major major
Enfield's Bunty never said "die"
He met the man behind Bunty
Bunty's 10 Commandments
If I were a thinking man, I'd go have a look at the archived employee records over at the Spagthorpe Motorcycle Company for a Mr. Golightly. I smell industrial espionage - Quite So!
ReplyDeleteBe careful the letter must be from an IMPOSTOR! he made a slip,no such thing as the Inland Revenue in Blighty it's the dreaded TAX MAN same as here in Australia!!
ReplyDeleteThe real Major is out there some where.
Rob
It seems he was drunk writing the letter.
ReplyDelete